I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
