Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
