i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
