thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
