they need to just BURY HIM!
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
