Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We have started to decorate penises.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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