i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
