I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
