My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
