Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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