tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
