What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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