I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
