Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
