You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
