wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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