I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
