it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
