And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
