it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
