I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
