im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
