Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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