Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
