If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize