2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
