I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
