I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
