Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
