matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
