im drinking this country out of the recession.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
