I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
