Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
