just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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