Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
