Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
