oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
