I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
