I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize