WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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