We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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