Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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