you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
