Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
