Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
