My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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