I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
