hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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