I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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