According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize