operation have a gay friend backfired
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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