It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
