The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
