I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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