I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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