the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There's even glitter on my cock...
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