There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
