im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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