im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will pee on everything he values.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
