dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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