: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
