Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
