Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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