i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
