I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
