Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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