Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
