I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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