its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
