Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
