Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
