How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
