Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
