Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
