WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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