I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
